I think that someday in the future anthropologists will study my purse and be completely baffled by it.  I know I am. 

the 10 weirdest things I found in my purse today:

1. tube of red icing
2. my nice pie/cake server (hey!  I was looking for this!)
3. one car seat seatbelt cover thingy (where's the other one?)
4. Organic Lemon Echinacea Throat Coat
5. absolutely pulverized mini Snickers bar
6. Water Babies sunblock stick
7. Ipod headphones, no Ipod
8. Old Navy shopping bag
9. seven Tinkerbell birthday invitations, blank
10. Clorox wipes (coated in a layer of filth, mind you)

I'm always seeing TV commercials for this, but somehow I still don't think it would help me.

Stay at home mom.  HA!!!

Monday - Go to Target to buy shoes for Kate (on sale for $7), then to playgroup, after lunch a few chores, during naptime/roomtime write devotional while getting up every 5 minutes to re-settle napping baby or assist preschooler with potty, focused time with kids, dinner (leftovers), bath, bedtime for kids, collapse.

Tuesday - Take kids to school, HEB, Walgreens, clean entire house including mopping which I hate, pick up kids from school, naptime/roomtime, finish devotional, focused time with kids, dinner, Realife group, bedtime, collapse (unless I have energy left, in which case it will be knit night at Barnes and Noble, collapse).

Wednesday - Take Kate to school, play with Audrey until she is totally sick of me, pick Kate up from school, naptime/roomtime, laundry, focused time with kids, dinner, hand off kids to Paul, choir, collapse.

Thursday - Take kids to school, run miscellaneous errands while trying not to spend money (this never seems to work), lunch, pick kids up from school, naptime/roomtime, practice music and fold all of the laundry that probably will still be laying around, focused time with kids, dinner, bath, bedtime, go rehearse with outreach band until probably midnight, collapse.

Friday - Lounge in pajamas, shower at some random time when everyone seems happy, play incessant board games/blocks/tickle wars, lunch, actually watch Super Why with the kids, naptime/roomtime, clean up all of the destruction, focused time with kids, dinner, RUN AWAY TO CRYSTAL'S HOUSE FOR SERIOUS CRAFTING THERAPY.  COLLAPSE, PERHAPS EVEN AT CRYSTAL'S.

Saturday - If at home, fix breakfast for family.  Go to meeting at church until noon, then BACK TO CRYSTAL'S! 

Sunday - Fix breakfast for family.  Take Kate with me to church, rehearse with band for first time, sing for second service only downstairs in the Cafe for our new "casual service" setup.  Lunch.  COLLAPSE!  Or go to Crystal's again!  Dinner- takeout!  Collapse!

Hi there.  This is Audrey.  I need to fill you in on an alarming situation going on at my house.  Perhaps I should start at the beginning.

Last Christmas, Santa (not that I know who that is, I never met him) gave me a “TMX Elmo.”   It looked harmless enough in the box, even though it kept staring at me.  My sister seemed really excited about it, and she said Lauren has one, and I think Lauren is cool, so I was willing to give it a shot.    I wasn’t sure what to do with it at first (do you cuddle it?  Does it read stories?)  Mommy said that you were supposed to tickle it, which sounded kind of fun, I like tickling.  So I reached out and tickled it, just a little bit.  And it started laughing, but not just any laugh, a cackle that would haunt my dreams.   And it WOULD NOT STOP.  And the Monster (for by now I knew for sure it was a monster) began to flail and roll about.  Of course I climbed up onto Mommy for her to protect me, but all of a sudden I realized that she was laughing.  And Sister was laughing.  And everybody was laughing at the Monster and watching it roll on the floor like it was entertainment.  This shocked me!  How could they not see?  Did they not understand that it was merely warming up before it went on a rampage to destroy us all?  Did they not see the mortal danger we were all in?

And then my parents put it in the trunk and TOOK IT HOME WITH US.  Had they lost their minds?  I sat still as a statue the entire way home, so not to alert it to my presence.  My rational mind told me that it could not get to me, but I just could not forget THOSE EYES.  Lidless, glaring, they haunted me.  I knew the Monster was simply biding its time.

So when we got home—you won’t believe this—Mommy put it on the shelf in the game room.  I would cautiously play under its relentless gaze, always aware of the impending doom.  I would try to alert Mommy from time to time, but she did not seem to understand me.  Occasionally she would bring the Monster into our midst, and it would dutifully perform its little ruse, but I was onto its scheme.  I would warn Mommy with my most blood-curdling shrieks of fear, but she would simply put the Monster back onto the shelf, where it would continue to plot against us.  A few times I even tried to telephone the authorities, but this only seemed to make Mommy upset with me.  Daddy would tell me, “Yes, honey, it scares me too,” but he would never do anything about it. (Perhaps they are double agents.  I am still researching this theory, as I am very fond of them and reluctant to believe they could betray me.) 

This has gone on for nine agonizing months.  But then, the other day it seemed that I finally got through to Mommy.  I gathered together all of the Monster propaganda in this house, in the form of books and toys, because they are a pack of lies and must be destroyed.  I presented this evidence to her, pointed at the Monster, and in my most emphatic voice declared an ultimatum:  IT'S EITHER THE MONSTER OR ME, MAKE YOUR FINAL CHOICE.  By some miracle she seemed to understand me at last, and she removed the Monster from the shelf.  It glared at me as they passed by (I kept a safe distance though--better her than me) and she took it out of sight.  I never actually heard her take it outside to the trash can, though…

There’s a little door in my room.  I’ve never been through it, and my parents call it “The Attic.”  I never knew what that meant, exactly, but now I suspect it means “Monster Hiding Place.”  So now I guess it is up to me to stand in the gap between my ignorant family and the Apocalypse.  I sleep the fitful sleep of the Protector, with one eye always on that doorknob. 

Up to somethin'.

Whiny.

Deadpan.

Impish.

But always cute!

1. The purse itself is the "free gift with purchase" that came with my perfume I got for Mother's Day.
2. Wallet
3. Keys to both cars on separate keychains
4. Mail key
5. 3 lipsticks
6. 2 chapsticks
7. 4 pens, all sparkly or pink or flowered or in some way unacceptable for Paul to use in church.
8. Checkbook
9. 7 raisins
10. 2 worship team rehearsal cd's
11. Raising Sand by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss (thank you Paul)
12. Huggies wipes
13. 3 peppermints
14. 2 Dum-Dum lollipops in gross flavors (coconut? really?)
15. concealer
16. Cedarmont Kids Sunday School Songs cd
17. Target brand ibuprofen
18. Orbitz gum (Paul hates it)
19. Wintergreen Altoids (for Paul)
20. Lipliner
21. 2 small bottles of hand sanitizer
22. Teething ring
23. Cell phone
24. 4 pennies
25. Mozart Musical Masterpieces cd (thank you Paul's dad)
26. REM the Best of REM (unopened)
27. 3 Hallmark coupons
28. 2 HEB coupons for items I did not buy
29. 1 Sonic straw wrapper
30. Soiled baby bib
31. Turtle shaped teething toy
32. Dry cleaning receipt
33. 6 wrinkled coupons
34. Coupon for free panty at Victoria's Secret (yeah right)
35. Card telling me to renew my driver's license
36. Ziploc bag full of Honey Nut Cheerios
37. 1 green pacifier
38. Gymboree membership card
39. Insert from church bulletin with gum in it
40. $7 in loose bills
41. Notably absent: knitting and inhaler (must find this!)

A new 27-second (well, almost) stock pitch video for Whole Food Market (WFMI). Again, don't forget to vote "Love It!"

Wondering where, what or who? The filming was done at Whole Foods Market at 6th and Lamar in Austin, on the Plaza outdoor eating area (Kate played on the playground up there). Of course, that's me, Paul, giving the pitch. Amy is operating the camera. Kate is just outside of the shot, sitting on a chair! The voice on the phone is played by Marc, processed through a notch filter to sound like the the voice is coming through the phone. Marc also supplied the guitar track in the background (used by permission of course). For more of Marc's music, you can check out Broadjam.com, and search for the artist, "Ninja." This song is Loose Jing.

I couldn't believe this happened, so up goes the video onto YouTube. I could not duplicate this shot if I tried all day long.

A new 27-second (well, almost) stock pitch video for Exelixis (EXEL). Don't forget to vote "Love It!" if you like it. The contest winner takes away $5000!

There it is, in all its home-made glory.  It's a contest, so vote if you like it!